Nicole Leigh West
Nicole Leigh West

Aug 30. 3 mins

SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: UNVEILING THE MYTHS

Have you ever asked yourself what you really feel about having sex on a first date? Society-driven taboos surrounding the topic have certainly faded with progressive thinking. However, do a bit of research on dating forums and advice sites, and you’ll still find an astounding array of opinions that prove the opposite. Here are some common views:

You have to make a guy wait for sex to keep him interested.
Men lose respect for women who sleep with them on the first date.
Women get emotionally attached as soon as they have sex with a man.
First date sex doesn’t lead to relationships.

Be entirely honest with yourself. Are you shaking your head in disbelief that the myths persist? Or, are you struggling internally with one or more of these views? If so, you’re certainly not alone.

Let’s get to the truth.

Myth: Sex on the First Date Means a Woman is Promiscuous…And That’s a Bad Thing

If you’re a woman, it’s likely your blood’s boiling after reading that sentence. Beneath that though, is there any part of you that still believes having sex on the first date, or sleeping with multiple men, warrants some kind of disdain in the eyes of society? If there is, it’s not surprising. It’s an unfortunate reality that this antiquated idea lives on, despite ongoing sexual revolutions from the 1960s.

If you’re a man, you’re not going to want to admit to believing this myth even just a little bit, for fear of feminists chasing you down. Herein though, lies the problem.

Whether you’re a guy or a girl, if you’ve been conditioned from an early age to believe this in some form, you need to admit to it in order to dispel it. The truth is that most of us, even in this day and age, have been subjected to this way of thinking. Often, it’s via well-meaning parents or mentors, thinking they’re shielding us from disease, unwanted pregnancy or heartbreak. It’s a very good thing to be informed about the risks. It’s not a good thing for those risks to be delivered in a package that equates to sexual shame or disdain, for either sex.

Logically, we know that sex between two consenting adults, whenever it takes place, just is what it is. Generally, that’s simply a mutual act of pleasure, stemming from desire. It’s not a reason for women to feel ashamed or for men to think less of a woman who owns her sexuality.

If you still believe this myth, in any way, that’s ok. It’s hard to break down deeply ingrained conditioning. Admit it to yourself and unearth the reasons as to why you do. It’s only when you acknowledge this, that you can let it go and move forward without the remnants of outdated beliefs influencing your future decisions.

Myth: Men Will Ghost After Getting Sex Too Soon

Much of the dating advice industry, as a whole, has raked in billions of dollars producing articles, books and courses on ‘rules’ for dating. One of the most popular rules is that women have to keep a man waiting for sex, in order to catch his interest. And, that if you have sex on the first date, a man will have what he wants and stop the chase.

Why? Because it does happen, all too often. However, for the most part, recognising one very simple difference between men and women, or different personality types, helps to unveil this myth. For clarity’s sake, let’s look at a stereotypical example. A lot of men are perfectly capable of sleeping with women based solely on physical attraction. For many women, a hot body alone isn’t enough to want to jump into bed.

Without some form of non-physical attraction, this man will most likely lose interest after sex. Not because he’s lost respect for the woman or that she didn’t make him wait long enough. It’s because he wasn’t interested in anything else, in the first place. That may be hard to hear, but the truth simplifies this myth in order to take any validity away from all the belief-based ‘rules’.

After sex, both people must feel some sort of non-physical attraction in order for a relationship to form. If not, one or the other is likely to move on. This knowledge strips away all the game playing and notions of being ‘used’ or ‘played’. A man isn’t ‘using’ a woman in consensual sex, and vice versa. Quite simply, you can’t be ‘used’ when you’ve both decided to have sex because you want to satisfy the desire to so.

If having sex for a purely physical reason doesn’t sing to your soul, don’t do it. If it does, embrace it wholeheartedly and leave the myths in the past, where they belong.

Myth: Sex on the First Date Ruins Chances of a Relationship

Imagine this scenario. You’re on a first date and you can’t take your eyes off each other. The sexual tension is sizzling along with your epic conversations and it’s all you can do to keep your hands to yourselves. The connection, however superficial on a first date, is undeniably on fire. You both know, without a doubt, that you like each other and sex feels like an entirely natural next step.

If you’re stopping that delicious momentum solely because your mind’s swirling with preconditioned thoughts of making someone wait, not wanting to appear promiscuous or offensive, or ruining the chances of a relationship, you could be throwing away a beautiful experience – for no reason other than outdated beliefs.

Having sex on a first date always has, and always will, lead to relationships when physical and non-physical attraction combines with true connection. It doesn’t make an ounce of difference whether you wait the standard three dates or three months. It’s a personal choice and there’s no ‘one fits all’ rule. If you feel pressure either way, know that it’s not your heart, intuition or even logic speaking. It’s the voices of others.

Unveil the long-held myths and you’ll find space in your body, heart and soul to simply do what feels right, for you. Listen to the feeling and trust it. If you have nagging doubts, don’t have sex on the first date. When your whole being wants to dive in, you already know that more often than not, magic awaits beneath the surface.

What are your thoughts about having sex on the first date? We’d love to know in the comments below.

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