Nicole Leigh West
Nicole Leigh West

May 03. 2 mins

Do You Have a Higher Sex Drive Than Your Partner? Here’s What to Do

English comedian, Les Dawson once deadpanned, “My wife is a sex object. Every time I mention sex, she objects.” It’s a funny line, unless, of course, you’re not getting any right now. All jokes aside though, differences in sexual desire are as common as seeing parrotfish on the Great Barrier Reef.

It’s certainly not just the ladies coming up with the, ‘not tonight dear, I’ve got a headache,’ excuse, either. Libidos are influenced by a range of factors, including psychological, biological and social, so men also commonly experience low sex drive. Either way, the problem is that sexual incompatibility often leads to relationship breakdowns.

When your ‘sexpectations’ aren’t met, you might feel rejected, insecure, frustrated and resentful. Not to mention horny all the time. Masturbation is a great release, but it’s probably not the wild sex life you had in mind. Before you lose hope, let’s take a look at what you can do.

Understand the Reason So You Don’t Take it Personally

First of all, it’s very important to understand that everyone’s sex drive is unique, so try not to compare or categorize your situation. Instead, have a chat with your partner about it, to understand why. In some cases, it might be as straightforward as the fact that you just naturally think about sex much more than they do. Your desire is, as a result, going to be stronger.

Libidos are incredibly influenced by other factors too, so aim to discover what might contribute to your lover’s lower sex drive. Along with certain medications and hormonal imbalances, stress, body image, feeling tired or unwell and emotional issues can certainly kill the mood. When you aim to understand, you’ll be less likely to take it personally and more likely to find a solution to the sexual mismatch.

Be Proactive About Having More Sex

When you have a higher sex drive than your partner, the most common scenario is that you’re mostly initiating sex, and they’re often pushing you away. You probably feel rejected or frustrated, while they might feel pressured or misunderstood. As a result, both of you start treating each other with a lack of respect, kindness, love or affection in everyday life. Obviously, this results in even less sex.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to be proactive about your sex life – and take it out of the bedroom. This doesn’t mean having a quickie at the beach, though that could help too. It means, as the person with a higher sex drive, backing off for a short time and focusing on a different approach.

Stop the pattern of pushing and pulling away, before it becomes an ingrained relationship behaviour. Focus more on your friendship and encourage an emotional connection. Be intimate with hugs, stroking, kissing and flirting, without the agenda of sex. Give compliments freely and really make a point of helping your partner feel great. Do fun things together, seek out laughter and eradicate any boring routines and behaviours.

In the case that your partner simply thinks about sex less than you, doing these things might just light those thoughts on fire. If they feel unwell, tired or inadequate in some way, they’ll start feeling better. When there’s a different issue, such as a medical problem, your partner will feel supported and understood, which can make the world of difference.

Start Fulfilling Fantasies

Have you really dived into your partner’s fantasies? Or, is your high sex drive, driving you towards quantity over quality? It might be hard to hear, but sometimes people with a low sex drive just aren’t getting what they want. This is often the case in long term relationships, when the honeymoon phase is over.

Drop any barriers you have with talking openly and honestly about sex, to unearth hidden desires. If you feel uncomfortable doing that, initiate new things to find what works. Maybe your partner wants to explore role-play or sex in public, but doesn’t have the nerve to tell you. Take it slow at first, in whichever way feels right to you.

You might just be unwrapping a package that’ll lead to that wild sex life you’ve always wanted, so it’s worth diving in to find out.

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